Up, down, turn around, please don't let me hit the ground...

Children are hilarious! I found Zoe in my closet, trying on pretty much everything I own at once. Including my sexy purple burlesque bra, which was on her head.

Me: "Zoe! What are you doing?"
Zoe: "I want to be a fly, mum!"
Me: "What?"
Zoe: "Flies have wings!"
Me: "....what?"
Zoe: "Aunt Tal said your clothes make you fly!"

I might have died laughing. Tallulah said I looked fly and Zoe thought that meant if she dressed like me she would sprout wings. Brilliant. So I gave her my faerie wings and she flitted around the warehouse for hours while Bianca and I played basketball with their little hoop thing.

Day care is going well. Though if Zoe keeps swearing at the teachers we might have to find a new place... Oops. Apparently she 'don't want no feckin' orange juice!' My parenting skills lose SO many points...

There was this weird guy today...I went into a bookstore to buy a naughty book for Pierre's birthday (I didn't just give away your present, P and you'll see why) and he was in there browsing and he came over to me and it was just...weird. He was all, "what are you looking for? I could help you choose" bleh bleh bleh bleh creepy voice bleh. He seemed perfectly normal, but it freaked me out. He was...weird. He just felt weird and I didn't like it and then he followed me around so I left without a present. Ew.

Feeling like shit. Mega loathsome shit.

Someone come cheer me up?

It's my birthday (early hours) and I can't sleep because clowns will eat me.

My girls are three. They turned three on the 13th. Still processing.

Been thinking about switching courses, but I don't know. I've been doing physical therapy for a long time and I'm almost done, but now I feel so...otherwise motivated. Or not motivated.

My oldest children are three and already they have lost one parent. The others seem to know what they want to do. Why do I have to be the losery, lost, emo one?! I want to give my children a good life. I want to be someone they can look up to. But at the moment, all I do is get up on stage and shake my arse and fondle Chloe (which is awesome btw) and I have no idea if any of it matters at all.

We'll be one more housemate down by next weekend. We're trying to decide now if the empty room becomes another nursery, or if we have someone else in. No one would fit in as well as our Izzy! They'd be coming in to a rather strange family of three parents and four children, two marrieds and one widow and who belongs to whom...I imagine it would be a bit like being told to dart down a dark alley with one's head cut off while having cabbage and lox thrown at you.

At least we're lovely lox...

Theo has gotten so big! I've been spending all my free time with him and my girls. Children really are amazing, aren't they? I started back at Lugosi's which is going well. Uni too.

Life is getting back on track. *deep breath* Let's keep it that way.

And yes, I'm stripping in the icon. Straight jacket Lugosi's fun!

Oh my GOD. I took Serenity to meet the parents because she's the only person who seems to be able to keep me calm and happy these days. It was just a casual thing and when Mum opened the door, nothing was strange. Until Father walked in and flipped out.

Apparently Serenity used to date him. My father. While he was married. Apparently she is the 'Serena' who broke my parents up.

What the FUCK do I do now?!

Surprise!

Meet me at the airport tomorrow?!

Today a social worker came, and she took Theo away. Apparently without Alessa, I offer an unstable home.

Yes, because losing my wife AND MY GODDAMN SON is so going to KEEP me from offing myself, you goddamn fucking whores. FUCK YOU I want him back :(

I want them both back.

Oh dear god, I have decided that Theo makes the best faces ever. Of course I say this and the next second Zoe comes in her wearing Kali's knickers on her head. And Bianca is pointing at her and laughing. Oh, I've raised them well!

I miss Tamm and Kay and I want them to come back and we can put the babies all together and watch them play! The girls are so cute with Theo. They're fascinated by him. Bianca asked me why he had small ears.

Having kids is just the most incredible thing.

It's my birthday!! Come worship me and love up my children!!

Our son is amazing. He's so small and beautiful. I haven't slept in days and I don't care. I'm so happy. So very, very happy.

:D!

Today I was sulking because no one's found Thomas yet, so I went to visit Chloe. Because Chloe's still here and that's important. I chatted with Tallulah, who is a riot and a half, and then I came home and I was sulking more. And then my daughter Zoe came up to me and gave me a picture of a flower she'd found in a book. Which, destruction of property aside, was absolutely darling.

And then, not to be outdone, Bianca made up a song about Mummy and stars and fishes, which was adorable and now I want to put it to metal.

For I am hardcore.

I'm not okay about Thomas. I want him found. I love him. And I'm terrified about this disease because it keeps hurting the people I love. My best friend's daughter and my cousin Anna and dear Allanah. God forbid it get to anyone else. (You're being careful with yourself, Mara and James, right, Spectre? And D Ro, what about you?) But life here in my safe little haven? It's good.