(no subject)

[angels_facade]

I have Bianca's cat Vincent with me, but he looks so confused and sad. I don't blame him.

I can't even tell if I'm alive anymore. This could be hell, right? Maybe I was the one that died, and this is hell.

It isn't far off.

I'm going to get drunk. Fine, fuck off.

Comments

[slinkster-ghoul.livejournal.com]

Don't be stupid. You want to lose the babies too?

[juniper-berries.livejournal.com]

This isn't hell. It just seems similar right now. Together we can get through it. I have to believe that. Please believe that.

[angels-facade.livejournal.com]

Yes.

[eligible-boy.livejournal.com]

Kat... I don't believe you would want it if it actually happened.

[angels-facade.livejournal.com]

You don't know how I feel.

[angels-facade.livejournal.com]

I can't.

[eligible-boy.livejournal.com]

No, I don't. But I do know that when I thought Del was going to lose our baby, it was one of the scariest things I have ever faced. And you know what things I have faced. You've already endured far too much loss. It is my honest belief that if the babies were harmed, it would only be worse.

[angels-facade.livejournal.com]

I feel nothing. I feel nothing for them. You love your baby and I feel nothing and I felt nothing and I'll always feel nothing forever except resentment and hate.

[juniper-berries.livejournal.com]

Baby... please.. what can I do?

[eligible-boy.livejournal.com]

I don't know if you remember, but the other day in the jail, I saw you raise your hand protectively over them. That was not resentful or hateful. That was motherly instinct that is there within you. I don't think there is anything that could take away that instinct completely.

[angels-facade.livejournal.com]

Stop it please stop it!

I can't do this without her.

[angels-facade.livejournal.com]

Stay alive.

[juniper-berries.livejournal.com]

You have to do that too. Okay? I love you.

[eligible-boy.livejournal.com]

Okay. I'll stop. But you can do this. You always have been able to, and you always will.

[angels-facade.livejournal.com]

Why can't anyone help me!? Everyone's so busy telling me how I should fucking feel and no one's helping.

[eligible-boy.livejournal.com]

What do you need us to do?

[angels-facade.livejournal.com]

I didn't ask you what I could do.

I love you too.

[angels-facade.livejournal.com]

Nothing. It doesn't matter anymore.

[juniper-berries.livejournal.com]

I know I... I just don't want to have to say goodbye to anymore of my friends. :(

[eligible-boy.livejournal.com]

If you change your mind, it will always matter to me. I can only do my best. I'm trying. I promise I am. And I love you. I'll always do the best I can for you. If you tell me what you want me to do, I'll try everything possible to do it.

[angels-facade.livejournal.com]

It's all just words and nothing. Nothing matters because she's dead. You don't have to try. Nothing helps.

[father-peter.livejournal.com]

Kat, where are you?

[angels-facade.livejournal.com]

Home.

[father-peter.livejournal.com]

Just wait there. I'll come get you soon.

[angels-facade.livejournal.com]

You can't fix me.

[father-peter.livejournal.com]

I'm going to try. It's up to you whether or not I succeed.

[angels-facade.livejournal.com]

Fuck you, Peter.

[father-peter.livejournal.com]

I love you, Kat. I'll see you soon.

[angels-facade.livejournal.com]

Okay. Sinny's at your house. Can I bring Vincent?

[father-peter.livejournal.com]

Of course.

[bringthefire.livejournal.com]

I won't tell you how you should feel. And I'm sorry that all I can do is love you. I wish... I wish there was something more.

[angels-facade.livejournal.com]

At least your Jude is awake.